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But calming down takes days, almost a week. I am no longer weak because of the pregnancy, but it is my heart that's becoming dull with pain. I am so stressed out that it's become harder for me to focus on my studies. Rather, I don't want to study anymore.
I snicker. Why am I so stressed out when having a child with Theo should be a happy event? Why is it that I am the only one happy with this new life?
"Kaiya, what's the answer?" Harbin interjects, which I only answer with a low growl. "You do know that after this, you need to go to your etiquette lessons? They told me you are going to start with your music lessons."
"I don't want to do this anymore, Harbin," I confess.
He places his book down and looks at me. "Because the King is not happy with your child, you think that learning has become useless?"
"Yes," I admit. "I've only done this because I want to be accepted by everyone as his lover. But now… I don't find the motivation to do this anymore."
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