Question from Stephanie
My mom doesn’t trust me and I’m always sad. What should I do and how should I tell my mom that she should trust me?
You don’t ask for trust. You earn it. And trust is delicate. It can be built over a lifetime and lost in a moment. Talk to your mother in a calm and open tone and ask her what you can do to earn her trust. Ask her at what age you may be able to expect a relaxation of rules and more personal freedoms and privileges.
Remember, too, that if your mother doesn’t trust you that this is not necessarily an indictment of you and your character. It usually means that your mother doesn’t trust you to be safe. The uppermost concern in her life is your health and well being. Nothing matters more.
Trust can be built and earned in big ways and in little ways every day. If your mom asks you to do a thing, do it as quickly and thoroughly as possible. Use a kind and respectful tone of voice. Be courteous and helpful to your siblings.
Defiance and belligerence earn you nothing. They may feel natural because you are a teenager who is attempting to carve out a sense of self. But you can do that while being a cheerful, responsible and reliable member of the household.
Kind and helpful acts plus consistent and dependable behavior are what will earn you the trust you desire.[embedded content]
(In 2 Minutes video)
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Question from Savannah
Well … How do I attract a boy or get a boy’s attention? I’m just curious.
The most interesting people are the most interested people. Ask questions. Show your caring curiosity. If you like a guy, listen when he talks. Ask how he feels about something. Ask for his opinion about something. Remember things he has told you. His brother’s name. The instrument he plays. Where he went last summer.
Inquire as to how something went. Give him a warm and open smile. Laugh when he says something funny. Be friendly and kind. Let him know that something made you think of him. Share an experience. Give him a look that lets him know that you understand what he understands.
These are the little moments that bond people more closely together.
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Question from Jennifer
Hi! I’m still a high schooler. I had a boyfriend who I know from school and our circle of friends. He’s a shy type. We’ve been friends for two years now. I was the first girl(friend).
But it seems like he still doesn’t trust me. He would never talk about his hobbies, family, problems or even feelings. He couldn’t take his pride down. So I decided to not talk to him or chat, because one of my friends said “you’re hurting yourself, if he really does love you he would approach u first.”
What if I lose him for good? I … still love him. After all he was my first love. Did I do the right thing?
Most likely. You do want your romantic relationship to be your closest, most bonded friendship. If you are in love with a person who simply will not share with you the aspects of his life and his thoughts that matter most in the world to him, then you will be continually hurt, disappointed and frustrated.
It’s OK to reach out to him occasionally and ask him how he’s doing or if he would like to talk. There may be something going on with him that keeps him shut down. He may reach a point where he will be ready to share his feelings and you don’t want to ever be rude or dismissive with him. You want there to be a road back.
So you should tell him your truth: “I love you but I need a boyfriend who will be open with me.” Then you can pull away.
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Got a question for Weezy? Email her at [email protected] and it may be answered in a subsequent column.
— Louise Palanker is a co-founder of Premiere Radio Networks, the author of a semi-autobiographical coming-of-age novel called Journals, a comedian, a filmmaker (click here to view her documentary, Family Band: The Cowsills Story), a teacher and a mentor. She also co-hosts the podcast Media Path with Fritz Coleman, and teaches a free stand-up comedy class for teens at the Jewish Federation of Greater Santa Barbara. Click here to read previous columns. The opinions expressed are her own.